


Forever is Forgotten

by MeredithBrody



Category: NCIS: New Orleans
Genre: Cancer, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 13:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4627605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeredithBrody/pseuds/MeredithBrody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brody is diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer, leaving James and Pride to adjust to life without her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forever is Forgotten

**Author's Note:**

> So, there is a bit of background to this one. My sister has been in The Christie in Manchester for the last month, and I've been staying with her the whole time. Because of that, and the proximity of this ward to the Bereavement Suite... I've seen stories like this play out more than once. While my sister is in remission, and currently recovering from a transplant, many of the families I've met here will be living in a future more like the one included in this oneshot.   
> ((edit: I became one of these families. My sister passed away in November 2015.))

_**She said "honey just listen, listen to me,** _  
_**We should be together in a boat on the sea."** _  
_**He held back his tears, and spoke quietly,** _  
_**"When I picture forever, it's you here with me."** _

He'd been away for three months, and they'd spoken several times each day, but until today he hadn't known she was sick. Then he'd only found out because her mother had seen he was due home. The first place he'd come was the hospital, and he'd shown his marriage certificate, going straight to her room and just seeing the shadow of the woman he'd left for his assignment three months earlier. "Meredith." He whispered as he saw her, and she just put her hand against his cheek and smiled sadly.

"I couldn't tell you when you were overseas." She tried to explain. He could even understand that, he wouldn't have wanted to tell her if something went wrong while he was away, but it meant that he'd lost so much time with her. So much precious time.

"Your mother called me, asking why I hadn't been to visit." He wanted her to know that he hadn't guessed, but her mother had told him where she was. He already knew that this was the end of the line. There was something about seeing his beautiful wife like this that made him guilty. She had a line in her chest, and another in her arm. He didn't know what she was hooked up to, but they were hopefully helping her. "I wish you'd told me."

"James." She started, shaking her head. He couldn't quite believe they were here, they were at the point where they were facing death with far more certainty than they ever had before. They'd both had dangerous jobs, but this was going to take her far faster than her job.

"I wasted so much time, I could have been here." That was going to be a regret he had forever, he was certain of that. He hadn't been with the woman he loved when she needed him.

"I didn't want you to worry." She smiled softly, and he couldn't help but just lean forward and kiss her gently. Of course that was why she hadn't said anything when they'd spoken. "Nobody expected it to progress as quickly as it has."

"Baby, is there any hope?" He had to know. He couldn't really face losing her, but there was a chance, he knew that. The doctor had told him that it was aggressive, but that he needed to talk to her.

She shook her head after a second and stroked his cheek. That was all he needed to know he was going to be getting bad news. "I failed chemo, James." That definitely sounded like a bad thing, and he was sadden to hear it, because it meant that no matter how much he hoped and prayed, he was never going to get the miracle he wanted. He'd keep hoping though. "I want to go home, die peacefully with the people I love there."

"I'm so sorry MB." He bit his lip, because the guilt and sorrow was beginning to be unbearable. He hated that this had had to happen to him.

"Just my time I guess." She shrugged softly, then winced. He had to bite back his tears, but he knew they were going to fall, and they were going to fall quickly. He was going to struggle to hold them back. He knew that, and he hated it. "Do me one favour?" She said, and the way she choked on that made him well up again. This was the appropriate time to cry, he was being told his wife was going to die.

"Anything." He knew that no matter what she said, he was going to agree to it. It was what she wanted for him to do. She wouldn't be mentioning it if it wasn't important to her.

"Make sure Millie knows about me. Me and Emily." Her tears started to fall, and he thought about all the things he'd tell their daughter. He knew that there were so many things that she should know about her mum and aunt. That was important, and he would never let Millie forget her family.

"I could never let her forget either of you." He gave up pretending, and he felt his tears falling onto their joined hands. He just let them fall as he looked at her, then she pulled him in to cuddle her, and they sat crying together.

"We should be together forever, that's what we promised each other." He remembered that promise, when they'd decided to get back together, they weren't going to let their jobs come between them again. This wasn't what they'd ever planned for. He'd never thought that she'd be taken from him like this. "But this is our forever. I love you."

"The only forever I have, you're here with me." He closed his eyes as he held her. He couldn't imagine a world without Meredith Lathom-Brody in it. It seemed like a bad dream, something he prayed that he'd wake up from and be again in a tent in central Europe.

"Not this time baby. Take me home." She almost pleaded on the last, and he couldn't do anything but do just that. Take her home to die, and he was going to wager that it was going to happen soon. Twelve years to the week since they lost her sister. That really would be fitting.

_**And please just let her go painlessly** _  
_**Let her drift on in her dreams** _  
_**Just don't make her feel a thing** _  
_**Just try to get some sleep** _  
_**This angel deserves her wings** _

James was trying to keep it together walking down the street, but it was so much harder than he'd expected. His perfect Meredith had died that morning, laid in bed next to him, as he'd been telling her stories of everything he'd seen in his travels. Now he needed to tell two very specific people. One he knew would help spread the word, and one who would just want to know where her mum was. He knocked on Pride's door and tried again not to cry. Clearly though, as soon as Pride opened the door he knew something was wrong. "How is she?"

"She passed on this morning, in her sleep." They were the most painful words that James had ever had to utter. He'd never thought that he'd have to say them, and he somehow had always thought that there would be some kind of miracle that would save his beloved Meredith.

"James... I." Pride stuttered, stepping back and letting him into the house. James knew that it was almost impossible to think of something to say, he'd been in Pride's situation before. Right now, the only person who would make James feel at all better was four years old, and looked almost identical to her mother.

"There are no words. I know." He respected Pride, liked him, and he didn't want the man to feel guilty for not having the perfect words. He'd just experienced a loss too, and it wasn't easy to hear the news. "How was Millie?" James thought that the little girl was probably the safest conversation topic right now, and that was the hugest problem for him.

"She was great. We went to the park." Pride smiled a little, but it was tinged with sadness. James stepped into the living room, and Millie jumped up and ran into his arms.

"Daddy, you're sad?" Millie asked, putting her tiny hand on his cheek. That was enough to break through his wall, and he let out a few tears. It was going to be painful trying to explain to her what had happened, but maybe it was best he do it here, where Pride could help if it didn't go well.

"Yeah, I am a little." He nodded, resting his cheek on the top of Millie's head, then he carried on talking, holding the little girl close. "Mummy has gone to heaven to live with God." That was how they'd decided to break it to her. It was the simplest way for her to understand.

"Will she be safe there?" Millie asked in the typical way a four year old would think of something like this. She knew that Meredith had kept others safe, it was logical that she'd think God would keep Meredith safe.

"I hope so baby." He didn't know what answer to give her, he knew from all the nurses they'd spoken to that Millie would need to say goodbye to her mother, and he would need to say goodbye himself, but he couldn't really deal with thinking about it, not until he was there. "We're gonna go say goodbye to mummy now."

"OK." Even Millie knew that it was very sad that her mum had died. They'd had some time to prepare her for this, but they hadn't been sure how she'd react. As James held her, she buried her head into his shoulder, and he could feel the wetness building up as the little girl cried silently.

Pride looked as helpless as James felt in the face of Millie's tears. The two men were both crying too, and he was sure neither of them really knew what to think. After a second Pride looked at him and clapped a hand to his other shoulder. "James. If there is anything NCIS can do...?" The question was left to linger, and that reminded James of something he needed to think.

"Can you help me arrange the funeral?" He didn't know much about what she would have wanted when it came to it. He could guess at songs, and he could guess at readings, but he didn't really know much else, and he thought that Pride might have an insight. "I don't really know what she'd want for the service."

"You didn't talk about it?" Pride asked, looking a little surprised, and James could understand why. They probably should have, but it had sometimes seemed too much, to talk about the actual service.

"She spoke a lot about wanting to be an organ donor, which we did." What she'd had left that they could use, she'd given. Other things she'd given for medical research, which was also important. "Then she wanted to be cremated like Emily and scattered in the same place." She'd wanted to spend forever with her sister, and she'd hoped that he'd be scattered there one day too. Now that was all he could imagine.

"What are you going to do next?" Pride asked, and that was hard to answer. He wasn't entirely sure exactly what they were going to do. He only had a few small ideas, the biggest was where they'd be living.

"I think Millie and I are going to go home, back to England for a while." He needed to be around his family, his friends. The people he loved back home. He would miss Meredith too much here. This was her place, not his. He was only at home here because Meredith had been there. "Then, I don't know."

"Just know you both are always a part of our family here, and you'll always be welcome here." That was something he hadn't really thought much about, but it really did help to know that they were still part of the family.

"Thanks Pride." He meant his thanks too. New Orleans had become Meredith's home, and it was where she'd been happiest the whole time he'd known her. It was where they'd made a life together, and where they'd started their family. It was always going to be important to him and Millie, but he couldn't stay right now. He needed to get away after everything was done with. By Christmas, he and Millie would be in England.

_**As leaves fell from the trees** _  
_**She became a memory** _  
_**To a man who lost everything** _  
_**Forever doesn't mean anything** _  
_**Just a promise that we gave** _  
_**But there's hope for you and me.** _

It had been a month. One whole month since Meredith had become a memory to them. He had managed to fight through the funeral, then the public memorial that NCIS had arranged. He'd taken Millie to the funeral, but Pride's daughter had looked after her for the memorial. Meredith had loved this city, and this city had loved her. But primarily he was still angry that the universe had done this to her, and to their family. They were still in New Orleans, just while her memorial stone was planted in the gardens, and then they were leaving. James had brought Millie to the park one last time, and Pride had joined him there, just to let James rant at someone. "She was 41 years old."

"I know." Pride replied, and he just nodded. James was almost certain that this particular rant was one that his friend had heard before, but it was how James felt most of the time. All he could think about was that Meredith had been so young.

"It's criminal." He spat out, then just broke down for another few seconds. He needed to cry, needed to let it all out. If Meredith was here she'd tell him it was alright, and he didn't always need to be the strong one. "I miss her so much."

"You probably will for the rest of your life. I miss her too." Of course Pride did, and LaSalle, and Percy, Sebastian, Patton, Loretta... all of them would miss Meredith too, it just felt like he couldn't really accept that.

"I hate that she's nothing more than a distant memory to Millie." Would Millie even remember her mother when she was older. She'd remember the stories, the name. But would she remember the hugs, the love. Meredith had loved her so much, and that was the thing that James couldn't substitute. "I lost everything when I lost Meredith."

"You still have your daughter." Pride frowned a little and James looked at the little brunette child running around the park, her pacifier in her mouth and a smile on her face. At least she could still be happy.

"And my heart breaks every time I look at her and see her mother." Millie was identical to Meredith and Emily at her age. He had had no input on his daughter. She was another Meredith, and really, James couldn't be prouder of that. All he could think was that he should have had so much more time with Merri."We wasted so much time."

There was a tutting noise, and James turned his head to see Pride shaking his head. "I'm sure it wasn't a waste, you had a good life together." That was the truth, they had had the best life he could have thought about, but he really missed her and that made him feel like they'd wasted time.

"I thought, after this time, that we'd have forever." He had truly believed that. He'd thought that he and Meredith had a real shot this time at making this something that could last for the rest of their lives, but unfortunately it hadn't, and he was left here. "But forever is nothing more than a promise that you break."

"There is still hope, James." Pride rubbed his shoulder and smiled a little. Something that James was becoming to hate was optimists. They had such a grand outlook on the universe, but there was no chance that he would ever be able to believe any of that again. "There is always hope."

"Not for me." He disagreed. James was not who he'd been a few months ago. He was not prepared for any of this, and he knew that until he got over this he wouldn't be able to get over it. He was never going to really get over it either. It was too hard to think of this. "I'm done, this is all I have now."

"Daddy! I found a mummy stone!" Mille ran over holding her hand out, and James smiled as she handed him the tiny stone. He had no idea how Millie had decided on this, but whenever she saw small, cheap pink quartz she collected it, and it all went together in her bedroom.

"A mommy stone?" Pride asked, clearly confused, not at all understanding Millie's new tradition. Given that James only partially understood it, it wasn't unreasonable that other people would be confused too. Millie was every inch her mother's daughter, and that apparently included making connections that nobody else in the world would make.

"Show Uncle Dwayne." He prompted, and Millie held out the tiny pink quartz and smiled. They knew what it meant, but Pride probably had no idea. Meredith had always been very private about her life outside of work. The agents in New Orleans had certainly got closer than many others, but this was all new.

"This was mummy's favourite stone." Millie explained, smiling as she left it in Pride's hand and came and hugged him. She might not completely understand what had happened recently, but she knew that mummy wasn't coming back, and that daddy was sad.

"You have a lot James, hold on to that. Bring Millie for Thanksgiving tonight." Pride smiled and kissed the top of her head as Millie went back to playing. James just watched his daughter and wished that he could be half as carefree as the four-year-old. They were leaving in less than a week to go and stay with his mother for a while. He just needed to get away from the US for a while, needed time to heal, and for Millie to get used to the fact that her mum wouldn't be with her. James didn't hate much, but right now he hated the universe for taking his perfect Meredith from him, and stealing her mother from his daughter.  

**_She looked to the sky and with one final breath_ **  
**_She said "take this heart from out of my chest_ **  
**_Carry it far with the love you possess_ **  
**_I'm sorry my boy, but I tried my best."_ **

**Author's Note:**

> The song is "Sleepless in Seattle" by The Strive


End file.
